Carlos Xuma – Alpha Man Conversation And Persuasion

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Carlos Xuma – Alpha Man Conversation And Persuasion

Here’s a situation that guys experience – and every guy wants to avoid:

You’re out at happy hour with a mixed group of friends, and a male friend of one of them just happens to show up and join you. This guy seems to have all the right things to say. He’s got wit, style, and interesting stories that keep everyone listening to his every word. After just a few minutes of hanging out with your group, he’s got them eating from the palm of his hand.

When he goes off to get a drink, you notice that a few of the women are still smiling, and as he turns his back, they look at each other, signaling something between them. You’re not sure what it is, but you have the sinking sensation that they’re both attracted to him and interested in him… Suddenly you feel pushed into “the forgotten zone,” where no one seems to notice you the same way they did before…

If you’ve ever felt like conversations and social skills are more complicated than they appear on the surface, I’m here to tell you that you are absolutely right.

However, if you feel like you’re at a disadvantage when you’re talking with other people – your girlfriend, your family, your boss – ANYONE – then you need to know this, too:

• You can put an end to the frustration, and develop your social skill to massive levels of success – and I’m going to show you how in this article.
• You can have conversations that are long, strong, and motivate people to like you and trust you…
• You can create conversations that bristle with energy and draw people to you like a magnet…
• You need to have conversations that you can change and calibrate to any situation…
• What you want is…

Power Conversation Skills That Make People Pay Attention To You…

I’ve conducted polls of thousands of men to find out what guys want and need most to develop their game with women, as well as general social skills. Hands down, every guy wants better conversational ability.

And not only that, but over 40% said that keeping the conversation going beyond the first couple exchanges was the toughest part of attracting a woman.

A few years ago, I would actually have agreed with them, because this was really tough for me, too. But I found a way to overcome this, and now that’s about to change for you.

The funny thing is that these same guys don’t know how right they are that CONVERSATION is their most POWERFUL asset when creating Attraction and Rapport with women – or just forming bonds with other guys.

Our verbal and nonverbal skills, along with with our perception of the subcommunication going on in these conversations, are what give us true influence and persuasive ability with other people.

The one thing that we don’t want as humans – and especially as MEN – is to be left out or feel as if we’re being ignored in conversation. We want to feel important.

We want to MATTER to other people.

In order for us to feel like we matter to others, we have to feel some other things, such as:

• Knowledgeable about the topic at hand…
• Respected by the people we’re talking to…
• Safe that we’re not going to get embarrased or humiliated…

If you don’t feel these three things – knowledgeable, respected, and safe – you’re going to have a tough time feeling good about the conversation.

Let’s cover each of these, so I can explain how this works for you…

Feeling #1: You must feel KNOWLEDGEABLE

Of course, I can’t possibly tell you how to know everything about every subject so that you can keep up in a conversation with, say, a marine biologist. You’d need years of specialized schooling and background. And there’s an infinite number of topics out there.

But I can show you how to look smart and carry yourself intelligently – even when you’re really kind of “dumb” about the topic at hand.

Here’s how I’ve seen the best conversationalists do it:

The first thing you must do when you’re in a conversation about a topic over your head is get over your need to impress everyone or plow through it with arrogant B.S. If you’re talking to someone with any amount of intelligence, they’re just not going to fall for it.

The first step is to drop the “smart guy” act and humble yourself a bit. You need to appear open to new information. You don’t have to throw your hands up and yell, “I ain’t got NO idea what you’re talking about! But, golly, it sure do sound important!” You can be open without seeming like you’re a country hick.

Here’s how you appear open and interesting so that others pull you into the conversation – and you seem approachable instead of aloof…

Look at the person (or group) you’re talking to, and show the following body language: un-crossed arms, head slightly tilted, eyes focused, and nod frequently – but slowly. Another natural body language expression is when a man rubs his chin with one arm supporting the other. (This is the exception to the “crossed arms” rule.)

You want to have the appearance of someone who is taking in the information, and is genuinely listening – DEEPLY listening as if his life depended on what was being said.

When the other people in the conversation believe that you are not trying to bluff or posture and pretend to know about something that you have no clue about, they WON’T CARE that you don’t know. They’ll actually be impressed that you can be so genuine about wanting to learn more.

Think about the last time you talked to someone and they became your willing student. I’ll bet any amount of money that your impression and favorable feelings of them went UP – big time.

And then, after you demonstrate your willingness to listen, you can then ask intelligent questions to learn about the topic at hand.

This one works like GOLD in every conversation I’ve ever been in. Sometimes I’ll even use it with topics I already know about to sneak in under their radar and really impress them.

Now, after you start to feel like you can talk to just about anyone…

Feeling #2: You must feel RESPECTED

In order for another person to allow us into their “zone of trust,” they have to feel that they are respected.

The same goes for you, too.

Think back to a time when you were talking on the phone to a customer service rep, and they said, “So-and-so Company, can you hold for a second?” If they just threw you on hold without waiting for you to agree, did you feel respected? No, chances are you’d be pretty pissed. I know I am when they do this.

But if that same customer service person just said:

“I’m sorry, I have to go put you on hold for a second. Can I come back and help you in just a minute?”

And then they waited for your answer before they put you on hold, what would you feel then? Well, you’d probably feel that this person respected you and your time, and you’d tell them “No problem.”

Well Respect is that universal ingredient in conversations that many of us leave out by accident.

Here’s a solid method for making sure that the people you talk to feel respected, and you get the respect from them you deserve:

First, in any conversation, if you are doing something else, like playing with your iPhone or Blackberry, or you’re surfing the Internet, or whatever, STOP. Give the person your full and complete attention for at least the first couple minutes of the conversation.

Second, show them that you have empathy by acknowledging their feelings. Whatever they are talking about, you can easily show that you share their feelings by saying one thing: “Wow, I bet you’re feeling…” and just add in whatever emotion they are probably feeling.

If she’s talking about her cat being sick, you can say: “Wow, I bet you’re feeling worried about her.”

If he’s talking about his girlfriend dumping him, you can say: “Wow, I bet you’re feeling pretty down.”

If they’re talking about something positive, you’d just change that around to the positive emotion.

WARNING: This might sound so simple that you’ll probably ignore it.

Most of us have probably heard about this technique in some form or another, and we feel that we know it. But almost NO ONE EVER does this in conversation. Listen for the number of times that people show real empathy of any kind in a conversation. You’ll find it’s tragically rare.

Pretty much nonexistent.

Most people will assume that if you can understand the emotion they’re feeling, you’ll at least be in a place to respect their situation. It’s a gem that few people ever discover or use.

In order for you to GET the respect in conversations that you need, you must demonstrate empathy.

Finally, the third element in the equation of feeling like you are important in the conversation is…

Feeling #3: You must feel SAFE

Have you ever talked with someone that was very warm and friendly, and you found yourself really drawn into the conversation with them?

Maybe they just seemed so accepting and open to you, but you felt like you could tell them things that you just wouldn’t tell other people. You might have even told them something intimate and “secret” about yourself. Later on you wondered why you gave up so much information to them.

What this person was doing was giving you a warm and real VIBE that you felt you could trust.

They made you feel safe in their presence.

When you can get other people to feel this way about you, it creates a POWERFUL bond between you and them that establishes a strong sense of trust.

Here’s what I do that works like a champ…

I will tell them about my “personal philosophy” of life.

I just say:

“You know, I find that so many people today are judgmental and difficult. I have a personal philosophy of life that I don’t judge people. I just accept everyone for who they are. I find that this makes me so much more happy in the long run. You know what I mean?”

Just saying this makes everyone I talk to much more relaxed and agreeable. Even judgmental people start to relax and become more easygoing.

Now, I want to talk to you about something very important.

MISTAKE 1: Not seeing or noticing the right “vibe” in the conversation.

I’m REALLY guilty of this one.

I once walked up to a group of people in the break room at work that looked really serious. As I got some water from the cooler I said, “Hey, you guys need to lighten up. Who died?” And one of them said, “Uh, my brother.”

Ooooof. I’m cringing now as I type this. That was a very embarrassing moment.

And the fact is that I could have saved myself the pain of that experience by just by noticing that they all did look serious, and it was probably for a reason. It was not a time to be clever and funny.

There’s a lot of times that we overlook these signals and cues, especially when we’re making conversation with women. Many times, a guy will not calibrate or adjust his approach to a woman when he’s talking to her. As a result she brushes him off.

It’s not hard to avoid these mistakes in your conversations. Simply listening for how a woman chooses certain words will usually help you figure out what you should be talking about with her.

If she’s asking you questions about you, that’s not just a sign of interest. Usually it’s also an indication that she needs more facts and information about you to help develop her TRUST.

A lot of guys deflect a woman’s questions, or challenge her too much – thinking that she’s just “testing” him. As a result, they miss out on a connection with her that she was actually HELPING him to make.

The next mistake guys make is…

MISTAKE 2: Holding back on revealing your personality.

This might seem a little obvious, but when you hide your personality from a woman, she can sense that you’re not being open. In fact, the ability to project your personality from the inside out is a very attractive thing.

I’ve gotten in conversations with women numerous times, talking about the “dorky” or even “geeky” things that I enjoy, and they’re still interested because of the energy that I’m putting out. (I sometimes try to talk about a computer game with a woman as a challenge to myself to see if I can still keep her interest.)

The interesting thing about people that are holding themselves back is that they appear to be playing the social game of life with “scared money.” This means that just like a gambler at the poker table, they can’t afford to be playing the game as if every dollar was their last.

That’s a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Ask anyone who knows how to play poker about this. If you’re scared to lose, you’ll be an easy target for everyone else who can sense it from your hesitant manner.

When you hesitate to show yourself to others, they think you’re scared about life and don’t have the reserves to put yourself out there.

“Hmmm, this guy is closed off. Guarded. He must be sensitive or insecure about something.”

And that energy pushes people away. We want people in our lives that have a natural giving energy. We’re drawn to it.

Which is why you must not be afraid to reveal your personality to other people. I’m not talking about “opening your robe” and showing it all. You need to use discretion to decide what will be best for you to reveal.

Certain facts will attract women (and other people in general) to you, and certain other facts will push them away. The key is in knowing which is which.

Another mistake most guys make is…

MISTAKE 3: Trying too hard to be noticed or “important” in the conversation.

It’s been said that we are often more scared of losing something than we are of not getting something. This is VERY true when it comes to attention.

In our desperate attempts to not be “forgotten” and pushed to the back of a conversation, we sometimes say anything to make sure that we’re not left out.

It’s a painfulfeeling when you realize that other people are not paying attention to you. Feeling ignored just sucks, no matter how you look at it.

So it’s no surprise that many guys will go to extreme lengths to avoid this happening to them.

Some of the ways that guys try too hard are:

• Bragging
• Talking out of turn, or interrupting
• Being too obnoxious or abrasive
• Using humor inappropriately – such as telling a dirty joke

It’s essential that you don’t fall victim to this urge to jump around and wave your hands – saying “Look at me! Look at me!” the way we did when we were kids. You might not be doing that with your hands, but we often do it with the tiny body language signals and our choice of words – and probably without realizing it.

Attention must be shared in conversation. And when it’s appropriate, there are strategies to regain the attention and the focus within a group.

The next mistake is…

MISTAKE 4: Being sarcastic and negative.

This one is a killer.

It doesn’t just kill the vibe – it kills any chance of a healthy conversation or relationship between you and a group.

Very often, we fall back on a negative or cynical sense of humor to cover up our sore spots or areas of insecurity. It’s easy to do, and yes, I used to do this ALL the time.

Sarcasm can be funny – in small amounts. The problem is that sly comments with a little bit of scorn make us look very petty. And even though we all want to get “in” with a group of people, a bad way to do this is by insulting or taking sides with someone just to get the group’s approval.

All of these strategies seem to work in the short term, but they really just paint us into a box as being a bit angry and insecure.

Negativity is so tempting to fall into, because it’s all around us. It’s in the headlines, and the top news stories, and your neighbor’s complaining. It’s in the long traffic delays and the bad weather.

The people that bitch and moan are the people we avoid like the plague after a while because they just drag us down.

But the people we know that don’t indulge our self-pity or complaints, the people that elevate our spirits and give us hope are the ones we come back to again and again…

In order to keep your conversation alive with the kind of energy that people want to come back to again and again, you must keep yourself from becoming too negative or sarcastic.

And finally, the fifth mistake guys make in conversation all the time is…

MISTAKE 5: Not having the ability to steer the conversation to a meaningful goal…

This is the probably the most important of the five errors that guys make, and it usually comes up in something that I call “Power Conversations.”

A Power Conversation is when you are talking to someone, and whether or not you realize it, there is something important that will come out of it. There’s something at stake to be gained or lost in the conversation.

Maybe it’s a job offer. Maybe it’s a date with an attractive woman. Maybe it’s even something as small as your pride on the line when you make a bet with your friend as to which Die Hard movie has the most explosions.

When you have a conversation like this, it’s no longer about just shooting the breeze. Now you have something to be won or lost, which means it changes the whole context of things.

I’ll give you a tip here that deals with this particular mistake…

I often get guys asking me “How long should I talk to a woman? Won’t I lose her interest after a while?” Let me tell you something VERY important:

Conversations are never “long” or “short;” they’re either interesting … or boring.

And you can control that.

It’s never about wearing out your welcome when you’re keeping a person’s interest. I’ve gladly run late for meetings or missed appointments because I was talking to someone about something so cool that I didn’t want to leave.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this as well.

You’re so into this heart-to-heart talk, mostly because the other person seems to genuinely hear you, not just waiting for their turn to talk. They seem thrilled to know more about you, and as a result you feel a connection that is so REAL.

THAT, my friend, is the goal you’re trying to go after in conversations with people. You’re trying to create a gabfest that no one in their right mind would want to walk away from.

Can you imagine the magnetic quality this will have for you with women?

With everyone you come in contact with?

These are the unforgettable people in our lives, the ones we remember talking to long after their gone, and we long to talk to them again.

And YOU can be one of them.

Conversation & Persuasion Skills Will Improve Your Quality of Life and Your Successes on Every Level…

Of all the skills that guys want to develop with women, this one is the easiest to work on because of the sheer volume of information available to help you.

Some of the benefits you’ll enjoy when you have better conversational skills are:

• • Better relationships with your family
  • Faster attraction and intimacy with women
  • More deeper and meaningful communication
  • Increased sense of independence and personal power
  • More effective social skills and influence
  • Better relationships and results at work

Carlos Xuma – Alpha Man Conversation And Persuasion on sensecourse.info